TWO AND A HALF MEN is a comedy about men, women, sex, dating, divorce, mothers, single parenthood, sibling relations, surrogate families, money and most importantly, love. In other words, it is a comedy about life--more specifically, the life of two brothers, a son/nephew and the many women who surround them all. Charlie Harper (Charlie Sheen) is a well-to-do bachelor with a house at the beach, a Mercedes in the garage and an easy way with women. His casual Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his tightly wound brother, Alan (Jon Cryer), and Alan's son, Jake (Angus T. Jones), come to stay with him. Complicating matters further are Charlie's and Alan's narcissistic, emotionally toxic mother, Evelyn (Holland Taylor); Alan's deeply neurotic ex-wife, Judith (Marin Hinkle); Charlie's domineering, unapologetically blue-collar housekeeper, Berta (Conchata Ferrell); and Rose (Melanie Lynskey), a brilliantly manipulative and vaguely crazy neighbor who had a brief fling with Charlie, is obsessed with him, and is determined to stay in his life by whatever means necessary. Despite the complexities of their lives and their own strained relationship, Charlie and Alan have one thing in common--they both love Jake and want what's best for him. As a result, they manage to create a little family unit that promises to make each one of them a better man.
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Season 1
01. Pilot
02. Big Flappy Bastards
03. Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
04. If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap
05. The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump
06. Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
07. If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
08. Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
09. Phase One, Complete
10. Merry Thanksgiving
11. Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
12. Camel Filters + Pheromones
13. Sara Like Puny Alan
14. I Can't Afford Hyenas
15. Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick, Part 1
16. That Was Saliva, Alan, Part 2
17. Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats
18. An Old Flame With a New Wick
19. I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
20. Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
21. No Sniffing, No Wowing
22. My Doctor has a Cow Puppet
23. Just Like Buffalo
24. Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 2
01. Back Off Mary Poppins
02. Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
03. A Bag Full of Jawea
04. Go Get Mommy's Bra
05. Bad News from the Clinic
06. The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
07. A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
08. Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
09. Yes, Monsignor
10. The Salmon Under My Sweater
11. Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
12. A Lung Full Of Alan
13. Zejdz z Moich Wlos' w a.k.a. Get Off My Hair
14. Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
15. Smell the Umbrella Stand
16. Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?
17. Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!
18. It Was Mame, Mom
19. A Low, Gutteral Tongue-Flapping Noise
20. I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
21. A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
22. That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
23. Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
24. Does This Smell Funny To You?
Season 3
01. Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
02. Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
03. Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
04. Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
05. We Called It Mr. Pinky
06. Hi, Mr. Horned One
07. Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
08. That Voodoo That I Do Do
09. Madame and Her Special Friend
10. Something Salted and Twisted
11. Santa's Village of the Damned
12. That Special Tug
13. Humiliation is a Visual Medium
14. Love Isn't Blind, It's ~censored~
15. My Tongue is Meat
16. Ergo, The Booty Call
17. The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
18. The Spit-Covered Cobbler
19. Golly Moses, She's A Muffin
20. Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
21. And the Plot Moistens
22. Just Once With Aunt Sophie
23. Arguments for the Quickie
24. That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 4
01. Working for Caligula
02. Who's Vod Kanockers
03. The Sea is a Harsh Mistress
04. A Pot Smoking Monkey
05. A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
06. Apologies for the Frivolity
07. Repeated Blows To His Unformed Head
08. Release the Dogs
09. Corey's Been Dead For An Hour
10. Kissing Abraham Lincoln
11. Walnuts and Demerol
12. Castrating Sheep in Montana
13. Don't Worry, Speed Racer
14. My Damn Stalker
15. That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
16. Young People Have Phlegm Too
17. I Merely Slept With a Commie
18. It Never Rains in Hooterville
19. Smooth as a Ken Doll
20. Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
21. Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
22. Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
23. Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
24. Prostitutes and Gelato
Season 5
01. Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
02. Media Room Slash Dungeon
03. Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
04. City of Great Racks
05. Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
06. Help Daddy Find His Toenail
07. The Leather Gear is in the Guest Room
08. Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
09. Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids
10. Kinda Like Necrophilia
11. Meander to Your Dander
12. A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
13. The Soil is Moist
14. Winky-Dink Time
15. Rough Night in Hump Junction
16. Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
17. Fish in a Drawer
18. If My Hole Could Talk
19. Waiting for the Right Snapper
Season 6
01. Taterhead Is Our Love Child
02. Pie Hole, Herb
03. Damn You, Eggs Benedict
04. The Flavin' and the Mavin'
05. A Jock Strap in Hell
06. It's Always Nazi Week
07. Best H.O. Money Can Buy
08. Pinocchio's Mouth
09. The Mooch At The Boo
10. He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
11. The Devil's Lube
12. Thank God for Scoliosis
13. I Think You Offended Don
14. David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
15. I'd Like to Start With the Cat
16. She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime
17. The 'OCU' or the 'PADO'?
18. My Son's Enormous Head
19. The Two Finger Rule
20. Hello, I'm Alan Cousteau
21. Above Exalted Cyclops
22. Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
23. Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
24. Baseball Was Better with Steroids
Thursday, August 6, 2009
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